The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss
Carl: Poo-poo with a capital P. For starters, I thought the Cat character was unrealistic, one-dimensional, and a complete doo-doo head. Plus, the book was way too vague at times. And worst of all, it never bothered explaining why the cat was in a hat. I mean, I’m tempted to think the author just put him in a hat because it happens to rhyme with cat!! What’s next? The Goat in a Boat? The Ape in a Cape? The Crab in a Cab? The Whale in a Pail? The Whale in a Pail! I can just see it now. The long awaited follow up to The Cat in the Hat, featuring a walking, talking whale who, for no reason whatsoever, happens to spend time in a fucking pail! Never mind the fact that whales don’t fit in pails, never mind the fact that whales can’t talk—this particular whale defies all the laws of nature for reasons that go entirely unexplained. I’d like to know where this Seuss fella got his degree, because I think they’re handing out diplomas to anyone who shows up at their door. One star
How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time by Naura Hayden
Charles: Should be retitled Mission Impossible. One star
Ulysses by James Joyce
Terry: Reminds me of Seinfeld… in the sense that it’s about nothing. Reminds me of a piece of shit… in the sense that it’s a piece of shit. One star
Ulysses: If you’re looking for a book that offers instant gratification, look elsewhere. If you’re looking for a book that offers delayed gratification, keep looking, bub. In fact, if you want any type of gratification whatsoever, I’d suggest burning this fucking shit after you read the first page. One star