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Recorded Teachings of the Buddha

Author: The Buddha
Published: India, 500 BC

The Buddha

Who shapes our lives?

Who created the universe?

God? The Absolute? The Self? No one?

Who shapes our lives?

Who created the universe?

I’m asking you!

Because honest to G/god(s) (if he/she/they/it exists/exist), I really don’t know.

But that’s not what’s important.

What is important?

That, I do know …

I think.

Or, maybe I don’t know.

But, let’s just assume I do.

After all, I am the Buddha.

At least, I think I am. I mean, that’s what it says on the back of my underwear.

Anyways, here’s what I think is important: Abandoning selfishness and doing good.

Though our selfish desires appear pleasant on the surface (to a deluded person like you—but not to me), they bait us into living in a hell of our own making.

Adam and Eve

(The selfish desires themselves, however, are caused entirely by one couple’s decision to eat some forbidden apples).

And once you stop following those desires, your self-created hell will disappear.

I tried depriving myself—it was too much.

I tried indulging myself—it, too, was too much

So I decided to satisfy the necessities of life, and stop there. (Although to be honest, I still splurge on a café latte every once in a while.)

Only through this path of moderation can we conquer ourselves and bring our state of sorrow to an end.

(If you’re looking for the path, it’s somewhere between a Monastery and Rick James’s house.)

A man who makes a million wants ten million—and should he make ten million, he’ll want a hundred million—and should he reach that goal, he’ll set his sights on a billion—and should he make it that far, he’ll long for ten billion—and should he manage to reach ten billion, he’ll still be unsatisfied.

Ten Billion Dollars Cash

Next thing he’ll know, he’ll be dead. (Which is too bad considering how he was only a billion away from attaining total liberation. And worst of all, five of his ten billion will go to the government—and the rest will go to his gold digging wife.)

A life like that isn’t as good as an hour well-spent.

Really.

All that bullshit you’re planning to do for the next five years won’t be as good as what you should do for the next hour or so.

Uproot your selfish desires now.

I’m not kidding you!

Do it right now!

Put on your gloves, get on your knees, and pull them out.

And don’t underestimate the right and wrong paths.

They can add up little by little—and before you know it, you’ll be a saint or a degenerate. (And if you’re reading this in a brothel, I’d say you’re closer to the latter.)

Remain are ever awake and vigilant, and always set your thoughts on the Way. (And at the bare minimum, don’t set your thoughts on how to screw Mrs. Ten Billion out of her inheritance.)

I can point it out—but you must make the effort. (In other words, if you don’t attain liberation, it’s your fault—not mine.)


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