Confucius didn’t say, “Honest to God, I’m starting to get sick of Chinese food.”
Confucius didn’t say, “I spent years traveling throughout China trying to spread my Way—and it didn’t really take. But at least I got out of the house.”
Confucius didn’t say, “Mmmm—you dirty rat!”
Confucius didn’t say, “Judy, Judy, Judy.”
Confucius didn’t say, “This above all: liquor before beer.”
Confucius didn’t say, “A journey of a thousand miles shouldn’t end in Detroit.”
Confucius didn’t say, “A journey of a thousand miles is fucking exhausting.”
Confucius didn’t say, “The industrious man hears a crow and gets to work. The lazy man hears a crow and chokes his cock.”
Confucius didn’t say, “Yao was a saint—but Shun was kind of an asshole.”
Confucius didn’t say, “I changed my mind. I did receive a divine revelation.”
Confucius didn’t say, “If a tree falls in the woods and no one’s there to hear it, does the universe still exist?”